New Year, Same Goals

Well, It's been a while since I've blogged...the new year came and went, and then another one came and went! So now I'm eleven days into 2014! So, I thought rather than sharing "New Year's Resolutions," I'd share some of my lifelong goals that are constantly in my mind and that I'm always working to achieve because rather than setting new, sometimes unattainable goals, I'd rather continue to work on these things. So here are my continuing goals/hopes for the new year! These are in no particular order, by the way...

#1. Put down the ipad, iphone, and whatever else distracts me from my family! You might think this is an oxy-moron since I'm on my ipad right now writing this, however, I want to make sure that my family time, my time in the evenings after work, is not spent on my phone or anything else. I want my children to remember that they had my undivided attention and not that I was always distracted. I want to invest in my marriage and I want my husband to feel like I'm invested...not that I'm giving myself and my attention over to other, lesser things. My plan? I will be on here in the early mornings and late evenings, but you may have a harder time finding out what I'm up to when I'm with my family, and that's okay because it's more important to make memory after memory with the loves of my life than to document all those memories on Facebook!

#2. Spend more time with the most important person in my life, my Creator and get to know him on an even deeper level. After all, He knows me better than anyone else and has invested more in me than anyone else. My hope for this year is that my relationship with him will become stronger than it ever has. My plan to do that is to commit to a one-year Bible Reading plan and continue reading through a devotional. I will continue to be active in my church through various ministries like our children's and women's ministries.  I will continue to invest in a women's Bible Study that I'm a part of because growing together in our walks with The Lord is so much more powerful than growing on our own! Last year we began a new ministry alongside our studying the Word, so I want to continue to pour myself out and let Him fill me up by participating and being an active member of something greater than myself!

#3. Become a true prayer warrior. I want to be in a constant state of prayer. This has been my goal for several years and I want to go farther in my journey to accomplishing this. When someone is hurting or is on my mind, I don't want to just say I'm praying for them, I want to be an ACTIVE prayer warrior, someone they know they can count on to be faithful in prayer. And not only that, I want to pray immediately, in the moment with people. I want them to experience God's hand at work because I'm being diligent in prayer. How am I going to do this? Well, the first thing I'm going to do is dig out my prayer journal!

#4. Invest in my children. Go on Mommy, son dates, girl time with my daughter. Take a few minutes to play with my children, help them with their homework, work on the things they struggle with and celebrate the things they're good at, and guess what? If I'm not on my phone and ipad, I can do just that! So I think my plan for #1 will help with this one too.

#5. Be diligent with our money and savings. Keep track of our spending and budget. Focus on the things we need and our goals, and set aside for those things. How do I plan to do this? Well, I'm going to start by reading Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey! 

#6. Be a better housekeeper. As long as kids are in the house, this can be so difficult! This is especially difficult for me because I tend to be more of a Mary spirit than a Martha. I tend to spend time playing with my kids, watching movies, reading, writing, studying my Word...but all of these things can be very difficult to do in a messy house!!!!! So my plan will be to prioritize and figure out the things that need to be done daily, weekly, and monthly. Also, give my kids more things to do, lol! 

#7. Organize...oh I can't even begin to describe all of the things that need organized, the basement, the kids schoolwork, pictures, bedrooms, my life, lol. I joke with a mentor of mine (who happens to be very good at this) that I'm going to hire her sometime to organize my life! And she jokes that the task would be too difficult, lol! My goal is that if anything out of the ordinary happens to any of us (like a broken ankle that keeps you down and out for 3 months), then the house can still go on! This year, I'm going to focus on one area at a time, so it doesn't become overwhelming. 

#8. Eat better and lose weight....we'll see. This is always a goal that never quite gets accomplished. SO if anyone has any ideas, let me know! lol

#9. Know our heritage. This is actually something my husband and I have been talking about a lot. We've been wanting to know our grandparents/great-grandparents stories to pass on to our children. We are actually going to create a book for our kids that has their heritage. My plan? To spend time individually with all of our grandparents asking them questions and getting to know our history. We try to spend time with them every year anyway, so this won't be too much!

#10. Write. Spend time writing. I miss it anyway. I have always loved writing and have a few books started...I've just taken a little time off for various reasons, but I'm ready to get back out there! So, I will make sure I spend a little time each week writing; maybe I'll set aside a specific day each week just to write. My goal is to have at least one of those books finished by the end of the year!

#11. Journal. I started a journal for each of my kids. I've tried scrapbooking...it's not for me. I just can't keep up with it, so several years ago, when I was pregnant with my second kid, I got the idea to start a journal for each of my kids and just write in it anytime I want to. Write advice on life, love, faith, and tell stories, and things they say. It's been awhile since I've written in them, so it's time to pick them back up. Maybe I'll set aside Sat or Sun mornings, just to journal. 

#12. Be more than a pastor's wife, but a woman of God. Stop holding myself to standards that I think everyone else expects, but hold myself to God's Word and who He wants me to be. And when I fail, as I will, stop thinking about who's disappointed, but think about how I can lean on Him and allow Him to lead. Be gentle with His people. Try to see through His eyes rather than what I think people should be or how they should be living. Be loving- remember what He has done for me and how He's loved me, and love without expectation or hindrance. Allow myself to be vulnerable and let Him pick up the pieces. Find my strength in Him alone.

#13. Be a better wife. Pay attention to my husband, the things he loves, the places where he needs encouragement, and be cautious of the things that frustrate him. PUBLICLY encourage and respect my husband. Build him up, and when I tear him down (because I will make a mistake and fail at this), then work harder to build him back up. When I say something that indicates that I don't trust him, work that much harder the next time and say multiple things that show I do trust him. Allow him to lead our family and make decisions, even if I think there's a better way. Allow God to break my pride so that my husband knows I trust him and respect him. And show interest in the things he likes- it doesn't always have to be about me! How are you going to do this? Through God alone. Through time spent in prayer for my husband, lifting him up, and through prayer, asking God to do a work in me first.

And #14. Above all, trust in The Lord. Know that I am going to fail, time and time again, but know that He is faithful. And where I fail, He will not. So "trust in The Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." 

Keep running the race. You're going to fall, you're going to slip up. You're going to get to 2015 and look back on all of your hopes and goals for 2014 that didn't happen. But know, that He's not looking back. When you ask, He forgives your past and looks forward to your future. "For I know the plans that I have for you declares The Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." And know that, as my favorite verse says in Luke 1:37, "Nothing is impossible with God."

Broken Relationship

This was a blog I started during the summer and never finished...so I'm going to try and finish!

July '12:
Haven't blogged in a while. Going to try and blog more often. There's been a lot on my heart the last few months, a lot that God has been teaching me, so I want to share it with you. I pray that God will open your heart and that these words will be food for your soul.

He's really been showing me a lot about broken relationships of every kind. The most important broken relationship though is the one between us and Him. We are a broken people- tattered, trying to repair ourselves. We place bandaids over our wounds in hopes that we will heal. We use people, churches, talk shows, media, books, theologies to try and repair our wounds. We are destroyed when these things don't work- and they WON'T.

Dictionary.com defines broken as:

adjective

2.

reduced to fragments; fragmented.

3.

ruptured; torn; fractured.

4.

not functioning properly; out of working order.

5.

Meteorology . (of sky cover) being more than half, but nottotally, covered by clouds. Compare scattered ( def. 4 ) .

6.

changing direction abruptly: The fox ran in a broken line.

Everything problem we have, everything stems from a broken relationship with the Lord. He is the ultimate healer and without Him, things can only be fixed temporarily, but with Him, He picks up the pieces and puts them back together, as if they were never broken in the first place.

Tonight, I was pulling the vine out of our shrubs out front. It was a tiring, endless job. Just as I'd pull one piece of the vine, I'd discover another, and another...and I came inside and decided to save the rest for tomorrow! It was unbelievable to me how the vine had wrapped itself around the leaves and branches of the shrubs attempting to suck the life from it. As I was pulling the vine, I began thinking back to last year, doing the same thing. I remember that we let it go awhile because we just got too tired of pulling all of it. It looked ugly, and disastrous! So this year, Eddie put netting down and mulch in hope that it would slow down the vine. So a couple of weeks ago, I walked by it and thought, wow, I really need to get in there and pull that vine! There was just a few around the edges. But, I was on my way out, so I put it off. Then, tonight, as Ruthie and I were watering our flowers out front, I noticed how out of hand it had gotten, in just a couple of weeks! It had worked its way to the center of every shrub and wrapped itself around the branches and leaves! So I left what I was doing, and began pulling. I'm really not sure how to get rid of the vine, other than digging everything up and starting over! I do know though, if picked daily, it will be a lot easier than trying to do it all at once.

So, as I was pulling, it reminded me of how life is. When we first come to know Jesus and his salvation, he does a transplant in our lives. Like digging up everything and starting over. A change takes place (or should) inside of us. He begins transforming us, the way we think, act, talk. It is a difficult process. The moment we are a new creation in Christ, the devil will deceive us with lies and present things to us to entice us. Like the vine, it will begin around the edges, so you can't notice it. You may go on about your life walking by and telling yourself you'll deal with it later. Before you know it, the vine has weaseled its way up to your heart and wrapped itself around every fiber of your being.

So what is the vine? Bitterness, jealously, slander, hatred, and unforgiving heart, gossip, fear, worry, etc. All of these things can start out small, like the vine, almost unnoticed by the untrained eye. They can spread until they completely suck the life out of you. And yes, this can happen to the saved. If we are not actively pursuing righteousness and watching for these things, then the vine can slip in unnoticed. 2 Corinthians 11:3 says, "But I am afraid that as the servant deceived Eve by His cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ." It all begins with our thoughts. My mind is a battlefield daily! So what do we do? His Word says to take every thought captive. "We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5 We have to be watchful everyday and look for those areas in our life where a vine could come up. Then, we have to be in our Word and actively pursue the Lord and His righteousness. It is a daily thing- not just a one time decision and you're done. So many people think that after they come to know the Lord, that's it. They don't need to do anything. They can just live their life, go about their business, and fit God into their lives and schedules. 

Maybe our complete view of a relationship with God is wrong. We love His things, His blessings, but do we really, truly love Him? Our Creator, Our King, the Lover of our soul? I just recently read Francis Chan's book Crazy Love- excellent read by the way! In it He talks about how our concern is more about going to heaven than truly loving the king. He says that sadly, many of us, if given the option would choose heaven even if Jesus wasn't there. That's because we love the things of God, not the King himself! It'd be like if I loved the gifts my husband gives me and the things he does for me, not him. He wants us to fall in love with Him- it is Jesus Himself who changes us! And it is only through our submission to Him that we can truly be changed and continue to change. Praise Him that He is so faithful. We can't continue to neglect the vine and expect that God is going to do the work without our submission. When we ask, He will transform our mind so that we no longer look like our old selves but are transformed daily into His image! He picks up the pieces and not only puts them back together, but transforms them into an image that reflects who He is. Thank you Lord!

All of Me

I heard a song called "All of Me" by Matt Hammit today and instantly fell in love with it. When I first heard it, I thought it was a love song and then I learned that Matt wrote it about his baby boy that they almost. All I could think about was, wow, he's right. We love with half of our heart and that's why it never works. We can't love with half of our heart and expect God to move. Anyway, here's the lyrics:

All of Me


Afraid to love
Something that could break
Could I move on
If you were torn away?
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart
And pray He makes you whole

(Chorus)
You're gonna have all of me 
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I share with you

Chorus

Heaven brought you to this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even if I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me

Chorus (X2)

It's where I'll start 


Hearing this song just really made me think about what love really is. Love for my spouse, love for my children, and most importantly, love for my Maker. I think we love with half our heart and that's why many times our love doesn't last. We don't give everything we are into our relationships. We give half of us because of fear, pride, pain, sorrow, etc. Relationships fail because we only put half of us out there so the other half doesn't get hurt. Loving is scary because there's always the chance that you'll be hurt. Real love takes all of us, and if we don't invest all of us, then it's not real love. It's an imitation. 


What the world offers us is a cheap imitation. It is conditional- it says if someone isn't meeting your needs, then don't meet theirs. It's unforgiving. It keeps track of all of the wrong you've done or all of the wrong they've done to you. It's failing. When it does't work, it's over. Gone as quickly as it began because it's based on feelings and feelings come and go. Most of all, it's temporary- it loves for a time and then it moves on when the "feeling" isn't there anymore. 


The Bible says we only know how to love because He first loved us. Yet, as much as we love people with half our heart, we love Him with less. Sometimes, we just give Him our leftovers (Malachi 1). Yet our great Creator and Father CHOOSES to love us despite our inability to love Him fully. He says that we are His workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), His creation (2 Corinthians 5:17), His Bride (Revelation 19:6-8). Our love relationships here on earth are but a picture of what will be. For now, we only see in part, then we shall see face-to-face. For now, we only know in part, but then we shall know fully 
(1 Corinthians 13: 9-12). 


So how do we love people with all of us? Love your Creator first. Love Him, CHOOSE Him. Allow Him to love you fully and allow yourself to experience His love in the fullest sense. Then, love people with His love. Instead of holding half of your heart back, choose to love people with all of His love inside of you. Why? Because His love is unconditional. It loves even when people fail you and don't meet your needs because His love is more than enough. His love is forgiving. It wipes the slate clean and loves despite the wrong that you've done or the wrong that's been done to you. His love is unfailing. There is never a point when it doesn't work. It ALWAYS works. And when it seems like it's not working, take a step back and really examine if it's His love or if it's you that's not submitting to His love. Most of all, His love is not temporary, but ETERNAL. His love lasts beyond a feeling. His love lasts beyond this lifetime. 


His love is worth every falling tear, His love can face any fear, His love can mend any broken heart. So may we proclaim to recklessly love, even if it bleeds because His love is worth all we have to give. Give all of you to Him and you'll NEVER be disappointed because hope does not disappoint! (Romans 5:5)

Nehemiah's Call

When I first read chapter 3 of Nehemiah I thought, "Ok, just a list of the people who helped..."Then as I studied it, I realized the significance of this chapter. From this chapter we can learn about the purpose of the Lord's work, how he works, who he uses, and where he works. First of all, we need to understand that we are the one's who choose to do the Lord's work. He doesn't make us do anything. We can choose Him and His work, or we can choose to continue on in our apathy and miss out on the blessings of serving others and being His servant. Nehemiah choose to serve and do the Lord's work. Because he made this decision, he received the blessing. It's our choice. We can choose to be ordinary, as my husband says, or we can choose to step into the extraordinary and see the Lord work and change lives!

Nehemiah was only concerned about the glory of God- everything he did pointed to the Lord. He gathered the Jewish people- priests and rulers, men and women, professional craftsmen- and even people from outside the city to accomplish the task of rebuilding the city. Each worker had a specific task and place. 1 Corinthians 12 and 14 talk about the body of Christ and how each member has a specific part and task. This is an example of that word being lived out. What's important to note about the people that helped is that there is one person who stands out above the others. Verse 20 highlights one person, Baruch, as "zealously repairing another section." Once we choose to be apart of the work of the Lord we can either just do the work he wants us to and be done, or we can work zealously and do more! Another person to highlight is Eliashib, a high priest. The chapter begins by saying that Eliashib arose with his brothers and built the Sheep Gate (which was the gate in which people brought animals and sacrifices through), and then they consecrated it. Later on, in chapter 13, Eliashib does not remain true to his calling and joins the opposition. Some think it is because his grandson marries a daughter of Sanballet, one of the leaders of the opposition. Unfortunately in ministry this happens all the time. If your motivation and purpose is not for the glory of the Lord, then you will fall prey to what the enemy is trying to accomplish.

The chapter also tells the names of the gates they repaired and the specific purpose each gate served.  It was very important to repair the gates because the city had become very vulnerable to other nations' attacks. It is so important to be in your word and to be in constant communication with your Savior- this is how you keep the walls around your heart built up (Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life- Proverbs 4:23). . If you don't, then you become vulernable to the enemy's attacks.  When we choose to sit back and not be a part of the Lord's work and what he's doing and we can be used by the enemy to stop the work of the Lord!

For me, this chapter was a heart check. Have I chosen to be a part of the Lord's work? What am I doing to further the kingdom and build up the body of Christ? Am I constantly building up the walls around my heart by praying and reading his word so I'm not vulnerable to the enemy's attacks? Do a heart check today and ask yourself if you're choosing to be a part of the Lord's work, or if you're passively sitting by and watching, or if you have become a part of the opposition.

Let Us Arise and Build

Day two of studying Nehemiah- Chapter 2.

The basis of this chapter is on having the faith in the Lord that he will do what He says He will do and trusting in Him to see it through. "Faith is a living, daring confidence in God's grace. It is so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times." -Martin Luther.

4 Months had passed since Nehemiah's brother had told him about his fellow Jews. In those months, he prayed fervantly and fasted, waiting on the Lord to provide the right time to approach the king. Psalm 27:14- "Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Warren Wersbe says, "True faith in God brings a calmness to the heart that keeps us from rushing about and trying to do in our own strength what only God can do." In verse 2, the king noticed Nehemiah's sorrow and asked him what made him sad. Nehemiah shared his sorrow over his people and the kings reply was, "What would you request?" (verse 4). What does Nehemiah do next? He says a quick prayer to the God of heaven- but remember, this is backed up by four months of prayer and fasting! He doesn't just say a quick prayer when he needs the Lord. Then he asks the king to send him (verse 4-6) and provide him with the means (verse 7-8). He wanted the king's authority before he did anything- he didn't go around the law or his authority. Afterall, God is the ultimate authority over all authority. Proverbs 21:1- "The king's heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever he wishes." God works through believers like Nehemiah, but he can also work through nonbelievers to accomplish His will.

Once Nehemiah reached the city, he rested and then at night he went and surveyed the walls and the city while his officers and his enemies were sleeping. (verse 11-16)He shares what he finds with the officials and Jews and tells them, "Come, let us rebuild the wall of Jerusalem so that we will no longer be a reproach." (verse 17) And the people answer and say, "Let us arise and build." (verse 18) and then they put their hands to work. They were ready! God had prepared their hearts and after being destroyed and after they had failed once to rebuild (Ezra 4), they were ready to rise up and build! After trials, tragedies, or just allowing the enemy a hold in our life we  need to rise up and build! However, they were riduled and discouraged by their enemies. Their enemy even tried to taunt them by saying, "Are you rebelling against the king?" (verse 19). This strategy had worked before (Ezra 4) and they had failed to rebuild. Nehemiah could have debated with them and told them he had the authority of the king, or even ignore them. But instead he told them that this was God's work, the Jews were His servants, and they had no part in it. (verse 20).

Nehemiah was a great example of a leader for us.
As a leader, we can ask ourselves:
-Are we burdened for his work and what are we willing to sacrifice? Do we take it all on or ask for others' help? How do we moitivate people to do His work and are they following the Ultimate leader or us?
What about as a follower?
-Do we cling to the past or what God is doing? Do we put our hands to work (verse 18)?

It's time to put our hands to work and rise up and build!

Nehemiah's Cry

Okay, my first stop on my journey is Nehemiah. Not really sure what made me choose this book, but I know that it's about leadership and a man with a broken heart for God's broken people, so I thought I could learn a lot from him! Plus, it's my Dad's favorite book. So, since he's my hero and taught me everything I know about leadership and service, I figured I learn from the one that taught him!

I know that if I really want to know God's heart, I have to do 3 main things. Study his words, pray and worship fervently, and serve his people. So that's what I'm going to do.

Today, I started with Nehemiah 1. I'm reading several commentaries on this so I can better understand this. So here's what I learned just in the first chapter (I'll summarize instead of typing my hour long study today)! Nehemiah was a cupbearer to the king of Susa (the capital city of the Persian Empire). A cupbearer is someone who tests the kings wine to make sure it's not poisoned! And he was also a close advisor to the king- a coveted position. God put him in the same place where Esther ministered just a generation before. So, this takes place in 444 B.C. Jerusalem was destroyed by Babylon in 586 B.C. 50 years later, a remnant of about 50,000 Jews returned to the city to rebuild. However, in 444 B.C. they had only rebuilt the temple. So the city was vulnerable to raids and attacks.  In Nehemiah 1: 2-3 Hanani, Nehemiah's brother, tells him that there is only a remnant in the city and that they are in great need- physically and spiritually. Nehemiah weeps for his people- fasting and praying- for days. This blew me away today. And immediately I thought of all of the tragedies we've seen over the last year- Earthquake in Haiti, earthquake and tsunami in Japan, tornados across the US and now recently the devestation in Joplin. What might be just as devestating is the millions of people walking around day to day without hope- searching for purpose, worth in their life. And even more devastating, the millions of Christians who stay silent in their comfort and satistfaction of their purpose. I thought, have any of us really poured ourselves over these victims? Really labored in prayer for these people? We say, "I'm praying for you," but do we really? Nehemiah bowed himself before the Lord in the direction of his devasted home and poured himself out, pleading with God for his people. Vs. 5-11 is the account of his prayer before the Lord- one of many- about his broken people. He begins in vs. 5 by praising God for being a faithful, great and awesome God. In vs 6-7 he confesses the sins of his people- including himself. Then, he asks the Lord to remember His promise of wrath because of sin and His promise to redeem and restore His people in vs. 8-10. Then he asks for the Lord's help in vs. 11. Nehemiah praised God, confessed sin, and prayed on behalf of his people. But it didn't end there- if you know the story of Nehemiah- he volunteers and takes on the task of rebuilding. He asked for the Lord's help and wisdom every step of the way.

The next thing I did today was offer up a prayer. Prayer is the foundation of our life with Christ. James 5:16 says "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." And Ephesians 3:20 says, "Now to Him who is able to do far more abudantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us." First of all, we always think that prayer is a last resort or isn't powerful. What can I do, besides pray of course, we ask? PRAYER IS POWERFUL!!!! Why- because God will do MORE than what we ask Him to do! And we have His power working in us for Him and His glory! So it is POWERFUL when his people pray. 2 Chronicles 7:14 says, "When my people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land."

So, what God taught me today- prayer is very powerful! It is the foundation, the beginning, and the heart of all we need to do! Here's what I did today, I wrote down my prayer (because I'm a writer and I talk better when I write it out!) then I read it to the Lord and added to it. So if you have a hard time praying, write it down first! :)

My Journey

God has given me a heart for his people and my heart's cry is to know him and allow him to work in my life in such a way that the hope and joy he has given me would spill from my life. So this summer, I am on a journey to study his word, know him more, serve his people, and make his name known among a broken people. I am not satisfied with what my life is becoming and the apathy that is beginning to seep into my life. I am ready to make myself vulnerable and open. I think that the only way out of this apathy and world of comfort that I have created is to open myself up and be honest with the Lord. I hope that these words can speak to you and minister to you as I explore who God is and who He wants me to be!